Friendship Fundamentals

So far this week I've been feeling highly sorry for myself as I have managed to catch the Flu and so this entry was written partially out of boredom and partially out of attention seeking. This respite from my normally busy busy life has made me think about the relationships I have with people and the essential ingredients needed to make them thrive. One thing I can tell you for sure is that visiting your friend whilst they are unwell is definite brownie points, so thank-you Navid! Anywho, I want to highlight the factors I think are important when it comes to both friendships and relationships.

1. Love Your Neighbour - Even if you're not a Christian, treating someone the way you'd like to be treated is crucial for maintaining equality in any relationship. Therefore, if you're going to act completely irrational around your friends for no explicit reason, you really shouldn't be surprised if you wake up one day and realise that you don't have any friends. If you want to be regularly texted by your nearest and dearest, make sure you text them just as often to find out how they are doing. If you're sitting on your own feeling bitter that you haven't been invited out by your friends, give them a call and find out if they're free to do anything! You get out what you put in so if you're going to be lazy with your "friend's" feelings, don't expect them to give you any special treatment.

2. You've Got To Show Me Love - It's not always enough to just hang out with the people you care about because as human beings we're all a little bit insecure. A little reassurance and reinforcement goes a long way in relationships and will build a strong emotional foundation between both parties. Obviously, there is a time and place for everything and so confessing your affections for your friend out loud to them during the pub quiz is probably not going to go down very well. If you feel your friend could do with some reassurance and reinforcement but are not the type to express yourself, there are other means of letting them know how much them mean which brings me on to my next point.

3. Surprise! - Everybody loves a pleasant surprise, everyone. If you're sitting at your computer, shaking your head, you're just being coy because the idea of somebody thinking of you and going out of their way to get you something that they know you like is enough to bring a smile to anyone's face. Now I know that there's nothing worse than introducing materialism into a friendship, where one person buys another person a gift and then they are then expectant they will receive something in return. This is not what I'm getting at, more the idea of being thoughtful towards your friend and it shows that you've been paying attention to them. I don't know about you but I love it when my friends just listen to what I have to say and nod and smile even if I'm talking nonsense. That in itself is enough, further demonstration of this thoughtfulness would be putting what you've heard into practice!

So there you have it, the three key principles that I believe are the bread and butter of any decent friendship. Of course, I've probably missed out a few key points and I might have worded things a little oddly but I can get away with it as I'm writing this entry from my sickbed. Nevertheless, I hope you can relate to what I'm saying here and even better demonstrate it towards people that you love because I don't think appreciation towards one another is promoted enough.

I dedicate this entry to my nearest and dearest including the Gtown Crew (you know who y'all are, I'd be here for a while typing all your names out :P), Tom, Josh, Nan, Granddad, Mum and Dad!

Catch up blog entry

I best let you all know what I've been up to over the past few weeks as I've neglected blog for quite a while now. I've very much been focused on investing in my future and so have had my head buried in the books (or internet tabs) doing coursework and looking into work placements. Talking of which, I have spent the last week at Bradford's local newspaper, the Telegraph and Argus - granted my role there was largely administrative but it helped me to appreciate newspapers on a wider scale. I had a brief meeting with the sub-editor who explained to me the difficulty of getting into such an industry and that the choice to be a writer should be fully vocational and not a way to make money. I was quite aware of this fact however and plan to make money as an author, not as a columnist.

Something I would like to raise though, is the limitations of certain careers - I don't understand whether people willingly get into these situations of not. For example, for the majority of the week, I was working with the advertising department of the T&A which sells ad space to various companies. The people that work there are for the most-part in dead end jobs, I know because there are people there that have been doing telesales for the past 20 years. At first I admired the fact that they had such drive to achieve their targets and did this every single day from 9AM to 5:30PM but then I started to question the mentality of these people. Do they not realise that they are in jobs that will bring in very little money and satisfaction for a long period of time? Didn't they ever once dream of being astronauts or teachers or archaeologists?

It has made me seriously think about my future job prospects and my aspirations of being a writer. My inspiration is none other than J.K. Rowling as she created an alternate reality and has made absolute millions from it. I want to be like that one day and for now that is all I know. I've never put any serious effort into writing fiction as I do admit I have a lack of confidence in my own ability but it is still a feasible option. I can definitely write items of interest because my teachers enjoy reading my essays and you guys like reading my blog as far as I know. It's just a matter of putting the skills and the dream together with the glue that is hard work. For me, this involves, three years of an English degree for which I am aiming for nothing less than a 1st and then a further pre-entry journalism qualification approved by the National Council of Journalists; I'll probably have to throw in a bit of work experience into the mix as well.

I'm not 100% what you wonderful readers will take from this entry other than the fact that unless your dreams are completely ridiculous (like my avid desire to be a cat), then they should not be put aside. Of course, in accordance with the bitch that life is, it isn't going to come for free and in fact, it's going to take a lot of effort on your part, and no doubt lots of tears as well. You'll get there though!

Happiness

Apologies for not writing last week as I was in York, visiting a friend who attends university there, and I'd of thought it a bit anti-social to blog in his company. Additionally, I have found myself to be in a really happy place and such an emotion can be a real inspiration killer. I could do a book review and in fact I would like to talk about H.G. Wells' War Of The Worlds at some point but in order to do it justice, I will have to have another good look...so I'll get back to you on that. In the mean time, I guess I could talk to you about happiness, what it is and where you have to go to find it? Of course, this is my personal opinion and you can take as much away from it as you want.

I found that part of becoming as happy as I am now is a result of both active decisions to make changes in my life and fortunate circumstances. For example, I changed my diet to vegan and it's become a bit of a hobby of mine so I thoroughly enjoy it, I try to exercise around 5 times a week to boost my self esteem and I let my hair loose now and then and have a really good time. Making up with my dad and catching up with old friends that I'm not bound to was also a massive boost and I really cherish these rejuvenated friendships that I have. Having a good outlook about the future and having some idea as to what you're doing with your life helps to put things into perspective, especially for me, therefore by having small goals and then a larger overall goal you have a much better idea of who you are.

Moreover, knowing who you are in general is a big factor in achieving a happy state of mind and not caring what people think about you. I quite happily potter about my house talking to myself and then laughing out loud because of the fact I'm talking to myself. It's about being happy in your own skin and forgiving yourself for things that have happened in the past. Nothing can be done to change the past whatsoever and coincides with one of my favourite ever sayings, "There is no point crying over spilt milk". Also, the past does not define you as a person and the great thing about loving yourself is that you really can be whoever you want to be. For example, I could quite easily leave the house tomorrow with a duvet round my shoulders and pretend I was a marshmallow - I may get a few looks but I'd hardly care having the persona of a piece of confectionery.

Finally, I'd say a big contributor to that big-ass smile on my face to living and let live. Forgiving people for the mistakes they have made in the past has had a massive affect on my perspective on human beings in general and understanding the term "we are only human". Cady Harron made a good point when she said that bitching about somebody is not going to change a thing, if anything it will only make things worse. People are just people like you and I, feelings, families, aspirations, the lot and so you have to respect people for their choices and just let them get on with it really. So there you have it, my happiness hypothesis and I sincerely hope that you all find paths to enlightenment and happiness; sorry for the cheese but it had to be said.

Building Bridges

It is a well-known fact that human beings are social creatures and rely on relationships for reassurance and motivation in most aspects within their lives. The foremost relationships being that within the family and it is that which I wish to focus on now. So much emphasis is put on the family and I'm not sure whether this is a rose-tinted idealistic view promoted by through media such as film and television and marketing, or if indeed the institution of the family exists and more importantly works. I have studied sociology and learnt in that time  all about various family structures and the conflicts that occur within the family, that are often ignored by society. I do not understand nor do I think I'll ever understand why this "blood thicker than water" concept carries so much emphasis simply because so many people become unhappy as a result of family life.

So what does one do when in a dysfunctional family but with traditional family ideals being forced down our throats? YOU IGNORE IT! The thing about families is that they consist of people that just happen to be individuals meaning that they are all different so it is impossible to stereotype a family. There is not one group of biologically linked people that are in any way similar to another. For example, my family consists of a dominant father figure with an anger problem, an enabling mother with various mental illnesses and a 15 year old boy (nothing more needs to be said there) and yet today peace between me and them was achieved. Throughout my teenage years, I exhausted myself trying to nag, bully, beg and scream my family into a "nuclear" structure to no avail and ultimately got me kicked out. It has taken this long to realise that angry dad, mental mum and bastard brother are all individuals who are who they are and trying to forcibly change them into something they were not did far more bad than good.

To those that have no family, however, it is important to understand that the ideological family need not be neither nuclear nor biological. Your mother may be a woman who you've always respected and honoured and has always provided a welcome ear and your father could be anyone  who is not afraid to tell you how it is. Of course, in a way, I myself am stereotyping the roles of the family and in fact the only thing that truly separates mothers and fathers are their genders. The point I simply wish to make is that home is where the heart is and though it may not necessarily be in just one place it would be wise to cherish it.

We may not need family in our lives and can cope just fine without them but it's an irresistible feeling to be wanted by a bunch of people that love you. I've found that so long as you have that emotional base you can turn to when you're losing sight of it all, internal conflict ceases and peace takes its place, which is not something to shake a stick at!

"New Year, New Me" and the like...

Apologies for the delay, I have been rather wrapped up in various activities that are typical with the new year: coursework rush, domestic chuck outs and the good ol' January burn.

So since the new year came in there have been highly contrasting opinions on starting afresh on new year; some saying that every day is a new day and so to wait till New Year is not particularly noble and other firmly believing that a new year means a new start and they have the perfect excuse to re-invent themselves. I sympathise with both sides in that yes, life is short, so there is no point waiting around for a day that happens once a year to make important changes in your life. However, as a girl who went through a lot of unpleasant experiences in the previous year relish in the concept of turning the page of 2011 and walking into 2012 brand new, with the slate wiped clean and with the rest of the year to look forward to in this fresh light.

I'd say, without wanting to sound cliche, let it be. There is around 7 billion people on this planet and each of us will have our own particular way of doing things, of course, because that particularity is what makes us individuals. People may or may not want to make changes in their life but when they do them is completely up to them - you've no idea what they may or may not have gone through the previous year and so it would not be fair to judge.

2012, for me, will be an extremely exciting but also nerve-racking year. I have to get decent enough grades at college to take me to university, to finally come full circle. Finally, after going through the process of being made homeless at 16, to hostel life, to living in a highly turbulent domestic atmosphere, to living in a house that would eventually become a home. Unfortunately, my housing contract runs out this year, meaning that I will lose the place which I have come to love so dearly this past year and I'm sure that people that have been here would agree with me. Also, I've decided to address my ignorance towards my mother's mental illness so I want to spend this year coming to terms with it, and accepting my mum for who she it. Not only that, but I also plan to make peace with my past and learn to love the fact that present me would not be here without the past me and all her experiences. I wish to reflect more through the means of yoga and meditation and also to read more classic and contemporary literature in order to centre myself with my aspirations of being a writer.

Like many, at this time of year, I have introduced a new fitness regime and have altered my diet. However, I plan for this to be a long-term thing because I no longer see the point in envying women with fantastic bodies when I myself could be one of those women. I've decided to adopt a daily workout routine and non-fussy vegan diet, meaning that I'm primarily vegan but will not reject food offered to me by others simply because it has meat or dairy in.If you've ever seen JennaMarbles on Youtube and her fantastic body, you'll know why I've made the decisions I have. That is things as they stand at the moment and the advice I'd give to anyone wishing to make some changes this year, I'd say never give up, stick with it, in the end you can only look back in pride in all that you've achieved and will make you even more determined in all that you do.

Animal Farm - A Book Review

Before I start I would just like to point out that this is my first “book review” or sorts and so bare with me and any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. So Animal Farm by George Orwell was published in 1945 and written to reflect the events of the Russian communist Joseph Stalin and his time in office. Orwell, who was a firm believer in democracy, heavily criticised Stalinism and the “anti-revolutionary” approach affects he imposed on Russian society. Orwell’s opposition to communism is very apparent in Animal Farm and has shook me thoroughly to the core.

It has taken me just under a year to complete the book because every time I picked it up and attempted to progress through it, I felt disheartened by the book’s dark themes and it has only been through the determination to finish it that I actually have. From the very beginning, a dark scene is set where the animals at Manor Farm were oppressed and cruelly treated by a drunk and unjust farmer by the name of Jones. From the very offset a feeling of great resentment is present and it is the so-called “wisdom” of an ancient pig prophesying a world ruled by animals that causes the resentment to be put into action.

At the death of The Major, the name the pig went by, fellow pigs decided that it was time to take draw up a set of commandments by which to abide by in a new spirit of “Animalism”. However, as the pigs naturally took leadership as a result of a higher intelligence than the other animals and began to embrace this new unfounded power, one by one the commandments were twisted. This occurred to the point that the way in which the rest of the animals were “led” by the pigs became indistinguishable from the way in which they were cruelly treated back in the days of farmer Jones and his men. 

It seems to me that the main setback of Animal Farm as it came to be called was a lack of democracy. The other animals failed to complain or argue with the pigs due to their lack of intelligence and the later threat of being executed through clever manipulation by the pigs from which they had adopted from their once human nemeses. I found the description of the way in which the convicted animals were executed to be very graphic and cruel - having their throats ripped out by pig-trained dogs and torn limb from limb. There was very little solace for the dead because the “lesser” animals were led to believe they were traitors of the Animal Republic. 

I know very little about Stalinism in itself but if it was anything like the events described in Animal Farm, I shudder at the thought and am very grateful to be living in a democratic, if not slightly too right-wing for my tastes, society. I mourn for both the victims and the animal characters of the book that suffered under a prosthetic government that tricked good people into thinking that they were being led to progress but were instead being led to their deaths.

The Ghost of Relationship's Past

   Christmas is always a reflective time for me as I largely spend in solitude, something for which I am actually grateful for. I have been thinking about who I am as a person and how much the past influences my actions and it concerns me how much I am dominated by events that I have not been able to let go. For the most part, I constantly blame my father for kicking me out at 16  and the way he treated me when things go wrong but when I think about it I have no right to do so. I spent most of the time at my parent's house in complete isolation anyway and felt greatly oppressed, all I wanted was to be free and lo and behold I am, yet I complain about it. The grass would indeed appear to be greener on the other side of the fence.

   The majority of the time I am a strong, independent person and passionate and sociable around people but when it comes to relationships I become pathetic and apologetic and lose all sense of who I am as a person. I believe this is because of holding on to the failings of other relationships and I countlessly forget that I am in a relationship with a completely different individual and so it would be foolish to base the principles of present relationships with past ones. In October, I split from a guy who was moving on to university and had found it hard to handle me on top of all of his new responsibilities which I only now see in its true perspective. From then until now, I have pressurised mutual friends not to mention him in front of me and not invite me to events to which he will also be attending and I feel incredibly guilty for this. Had I of seen this from another perspective I would have found how pathetic it was to reprimand my friends for including someone else who is also their friend, who do I think I am? At what liberty am I to control who my friends talk to? I have let the whole situation get out of control and I could not be more sorry to those it affected.

   So, what have I learnt? Well, the need to breathe more  is imperative for starters because not thinking something through that could affect the future, especially concerning relationships and could land you getting really drunk and confessing your love to someone you barely know. Secondly, the past is in the past and dwelling in it will only dwindle your future - turn the page and move on with your life, you're missing it! Finally, you have to forgive, people may have hurt you but they are people too and so trying make their lives hell will not help either party. Resentment breeds resentment and nobody will get anywhere trying to kill ghosts and shoving skeletons into closets. You are fine, or you will be with a big deep breath and fire in your belly, good luck!